Just like the princess (or prince in the Disney version) had to kiss many frogs to find their one, it might take our modern-day Single Black Kings and Queens much patience and many clicks through dating profiles to find love in the Tristate area. As someone who has tried online dating, the number of profiles to wade through might seem daunting. Alas, don’t despair, 2018 will be your best dating year ever with TriState Black Singles!
Here are six techniques that have worked for me and my inner circle of online daters.
- There’s a saying in the Caribbean. “I may not be your cup of tea, but best believe I somebody’s Bake and Saltfish!” Ergo, don’t waste time chasing someone who has no interest in your unique characteristics! Your perfect single black man or single black woman is out there and looking for just what you offer.
Analyze your profile.
One friend of mine met her husband online and has been married for 11 years now. Naturally, I sought her advice.
“It’s crucial to lay it on the line. Present yourself straight, no chaser.” No ambiguity is the name of the game. This friend is almost 5’11” and recounts, “I placed that prominently in my profile along with, ‘if you have a fetish for tall women or an aversion, kindly don’t click.’” The key is to treat your profile as your first introduction to your special someone. What would you want them to know? Be descriptive. Be Yourself. You have no idea what will serve as the icebreaker in your profile!
- Ladies, release your inner wild woman!
Seriously, don’t be afraid to say hi. Men usually buck it up and make the first move, but ladies now isn’t the time to be a shy wallflower while navigating online dating waters. Reach out to that single black man that interests you. One guy friend said it’s like fishing. Dip your pole into the pond. Trust me, you’ll catch a few fish, some you’ll want to throw back—but you’ll also expand your options. Which brings me to…
- Remember that cheer? Be-aggressive! Be-Be Aggressive!
Well, take that advice ladies and gents. Hand in hand with saying, hi and liking pics is having communication follow-through. I’ve talked to so many people on sites that say that they started a conversation online, but lost the connection because they forgot to sign back on or they let life get in the way. Dating, like effective communication, is a skill. Practice makes perfect.
- Get out there! A 2015 Pew Research Center poll reports, “One-third of people who have used online dating have never actually gone on a date with someone they met on these sites.”
Say what? Yes, “One-third of online daters have not yet met up in real life with someone they initially found on an online dating site.” Prince Charming and The Girl Next Door isn’t coming express mail to your doorstep. I’m gonna need y’all to get out the house. Set a goal for one date a month. (Safety first of course! Get to know someone thoroughly through email, our site’s chat/text feature, google voice numbers—get a number specifically for dating.) Plus, have you given thought to video chatting and skype? Dating in the modern age can be virtual as well!
- Post lots of pics from different angles.
It is true. Profiles with pictures get more clicks. I know from personal experience. Tumbleweeds and dust graced my inbox before I posted a few pics—then, the floodgates…Pictures really do speak a thousand words.
Hey! No provocative pics. As one friend said, “don’t share all your meat and potatoes right away,” especially if you’re thinking long-term. It’s a turn-off–and both men and women I interviewed shared that.
- Finally, you’ve reached out, you made a connection, you realize you guys aren’t a match and this isn’t even someone you think you want to be friends with. Don’t waste time. Move on. Why continue talking to someone you’re not really interested in?
I hope these tips set you Tristate New Yorkers on the road to finding black love.
Do you have a tip to share? Let us know in the comments below! (Originally published January 31, 2017)