February: In the Month of Love and Black History

Love is in the air.  What a relief.


Coming off a divisive election, contentious inauguration, and show of solidarity Women’s March (reminiscent and just as awe inspiring as The Million Women’s March back in the 90s) it’s nice to think about something as simple as love in February—the true unselfish kind.  Like being kind to others, smiling and saying hello to strangers—it goes a long way.  It’s the little acts of genuine kindness that may help to heal wounds.

It got me to thinking about why sites like TriState Black Singles are so important.

Christian Rudder wrote a book, Dataclysm: Love, Sex, Race, and Identity–What Our Online Lives Tell Us about Our Offline Selves.  In it the author discusses studies three different online dating sites with a variety of users and experiences, “the data uniformly shows that non-blacks discount African American profiles…black people get three-quarters the affection on dating sites,” and black women, unfortunately, fare worse than black men.  He goes on to explain that many of the sites’ users aren’t racist per se and many people today acknowledge that racism is wrong.  It’s just we reflect our overall broader culture, so these behaviors become ingrained implicitly in many of our small quick decisions—like quickly looking at a profile and discounting it.  It’s an ugly truth.

In fact, it’s an ugly American truth, a cultural thing we as a culture still need to work on.  Data Rudder collected on one popular mixed-race site shows that outside of the US patterns change.  “In the UK, the site’s black members get 98.9 percent of the messages that white members do.  In Japan, 97.8 percent. In Canada, 90 percent.”

This doesn’t mean one should travel abroad to find love.  This just means that niche dating sites are necessary.  Stats show black women have better and more matches on niche sites dedicated to African Americans.  An example of a niche site is the one you are on–TriState Black Singles!

For the rest of 2017, I encourage you to do three things:

  1. Really get into niche site dating (or for you, lurkers, sign up!)
  2. Loosen up and let love in–in all the many ways love is around you.
  3.  Practice kindness, to yourself and others (no people pleasing, though!) 

I hope everyone enjoyed their Valentine’s Day!  What did you do to love on yourself or others?